Sometimes Life Sucks!

There I said it! And yes, sometimes life sucks. While my dad is going through whatever he is going through, wait, let me back up here. Dad's open heart surgery was a success, however, whatever is causing problems with his esophagus or voice box to where he is not able to eat or speak clearly is bringing him down quickly. He is so weak, and I'm starting to think he is not going to survive or that he doesn't want to continue living. He is going to have a procedure done this morning that involves a type of scope so the doctor can see into his esophagus. Lord, please let this procedure be helpful in diagnosing what is going on with my dad. Be with the doctors, nurses and all the other staff as they care for my dad.
As I was saying in the beginning, while all this is going on, I need to be mindful of caring for myself as well, or I won't be worth ... a dime.

What does caring for myself look like?

• Keep in God's word! To start, I looked up "Life Sucks" (had to) out of the list of scriptures I chose Philippians 2:16 ...as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.   I read this as holding firm to Gods word and being able to boast of Christ, everything I do will not be in vain.
• Need to find a way to sleep all night, these 3-4 hour nights are getting to me.
• Yoga, yoga does the body good!
• Don't overeat! Try to plan beforehand.
• Even though I know God's got me and he got my dad. It's okay to feel what I feel even if others don't understand and seem to think I can just turn it off. An example, "don't stress" or "you shouldn't have to stress over this, call me" really? Calling you, is going to relieve my stress?
• Breath and breath some more!

I think for now this is good. Journaling should be added to the list of caring for myself.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me, loving my dad, and loving my everyone else!

Mom

Mom,

Dad”s in the hospital. He had open heart surgery last Friday and is having a hard time with disorientation, he says he is having out of body experiences. At one point he looked at me and told me he needed to talk to you. That was tough! All I could think to say was okay. He misses you terribly but I don’t want him to go yet... Four days ago he as laughing and being his snarky self. I know a lot of it is caused by the trauma of the surgery, but it’s really tough  I miss you too mom. Love you, Ronda

Dad

Dad,

You are having open heart surgery in the morning. I am thankful that outside of your weak heart you are physically healthy and the doctors are confident because of your physical health that you will get through this. I know God has you in the palm of his hand, because of my humanness I still pray that the Lord fills you with his presence and that you know he has you covered. I love you, dad. I also pray that you will recover quickly after surgery so you can get back to doing the things you enjoy like walking, exercising, freaking us out by climbing on the roof for rat patrol and all the other stuff.

With much love and prayer, your daughter Ronda ~